So this is me owning up in front of all my friends that I have hurt Sam terribly recently. I have nothing to hide, not from you or her.
Here is how. You may think what you wish but it doesn't change the facts.
A couple of weeks before I met Sam I had made a mistake, something I realized before I had even met Sam.
I slept with Jules. This was before I had moved into that flat there. I know, it made moving to that flat complicated as I had already signed contracts and put up deposits for it, and I was stupid for that.
It was foolish and childish or me to have done that. But I thought I could be mature and forget it had happened and move past it. I had no desire to revisit it and felt no better for it. But I knew that it would never happen again.
And then weeks later I met Sam. And I fell for her on day one. No matter how melodramatic that sounds. And yes it scared me because I have been a major relationship before and felt emotions that were not as strong and was hurt when it taken away. So this time I knew I would not rush things and take it as each day comes.
You may well ask why I didn't tell Sam even then that I had slept with Jules. I felt it was not her concern. It was my mistake and mattered little to me considering how much I love Sam.
2 more months past I moved to the new flat. That's two months of just me and Sam. I had also vowed never to see Sam hurt after how I had seen her when her father passed away.
So now, recently, this has all come out. I admit I was wrong for not telling Sam, but then I felt that it happened before I had met her and so did not involve her.
But it does. Because by keeping it a secret it has brought my own faithfulness into question. I understand that and cannot blame Sam for thinking that way.
But I have been faithful to Sam since day one, because that is what a relationship is about, no matter what anyone will otherwise suggest .
Now for those having read this there is also one other thing that must be made clear. The wedding had been spoken of long before all this was revealed, and so mine and Sam's desire to be wed was strong well before there was any of this doubt.
Ultimately I want everyone to know what a fool I have been and how I have hurt Sam, but that I will never hurt her like this again, not keep things from her, and that I have always been faithful to her, just as I have always been faithful to those in the past that I did not care for as much. I know there are some of you who will think less of me and doubt me, but know that you would be wrong to doubt my faithfulness to Sam.
And finally so that you all know, that I am not leaving Sam and that I love her in a way that cannot be expressed by words.
Chris Handley
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