So as you will know my birthday has been and gone. But the last week has been a strange one.
Almost 2 weeks ago my grandfather on my Dad's side passed away. He and my grandmother had moved out of the family home at Logaston in Herefordshire to a care home. My grandmother is suffering from dementia and my grandfather is just too old to look after her himself. The family home was left by my great grandfather to my father so that it would stay in the family. This means that my grandmother is only the trustee of the property. This has led to loads of shit with the brothers (2 younger) and sisters (one older and two younger) of my father. They wanted to chop the place up, sell it, get the money! When they realized they couldn't do this they wanted to rent it out, and thus get a slice of the profit. Thing is any money made in selling or renting the property goes to my father (as it is the profit of his property), my grandmother would only be entitled to the interest.
So when it came to my grandparents moving out, the aunts and uncles stripped the house of anything of worth, even ripping out original fixtures that are part of the house. If they had just been adult about the issue my Dad may have given them more options. But no they took the hard route.
Since then of course my grandfather has died. He seemed healthy enough, but also it seems that he had little to live for any more. He was 82, a grand old age really. The sisters didn't want to tell my grandmother. The doctors did. But my grandmother did know. She may have dementia but she still has her moments of intuition when everyone seems to be coming and going more frequently.
So the funeral. Sam and I got a lift down with my sister Zoe, and Rob her partner, to Logaston where my parents now live. We had been down there only a few weeks back at new year. It is still quite surreal to stay there (and very cold but now not as bad as during New Year), but also quite nice. Warm roaring log fire, and a level a simplicity to livining there.
I had been asked to be a coffin bearer, along with six other male cousins, and another who would carry the poppy wreath. We were to dress in black, red ties, and poppies. My aunt had the nerve to call my Dad twice to confirm that I would be carrying the coffin. I think she didn't want the 'freak' being seen.
On the day we arrived at the Almeley church, an old building apparently dating form the 1200s. The rest of the family soon gathered along with cousins, siblings etc of my grandparents, and their own children. There were brief exchanges to some, mainly those men who had married my Dad's sisters as they did not like getting involved in the squabbling, and we also met some of the less immediate family who could harldy believe that my sister was the eldest of us, and that both of us were doctors of science and liguistics. It was obvious that many were looking to see how weird I looked, and of course who the woman was that I had married.
The herse arrived and we were instructed in how to carry the coffin, and soon we were carrying the coffin of my grandfather up to the church and inside. Once inside we rest the coffin down and took our places with our respective families and the service began. There were hymns, prayer, and readings of a poem by the eldest aunt (but she was in too bad a way to do so so her husband spoke on her behalf), and a eulogy by the eldest of the uncles, who also could not finish due to tears, and so my Dad finished the reading (which many of my cousins thought was brave all things considered). I was even surprised to hear Sam's name read out in the service as the priest said a blessing for the entire family. Even Rob's name was read out.
Finally after the service we carried the coffin down into the graveyard and the six of us lowered the coffin, with the poppy wreath, into the ground to the sound of the Last Stand being played as my grandfather had been part of the army just after WWII, on manuvers in Africa.
Once the coffin had been lowered we six took off our poppies and dropped them into the grave and joined our respective families. Sam was stood holding a yellow flower, as were many of the other women of the family, and we all walked by and dropped the flowers, and a handful of dirt onto the coffin. Sam was glad that she had the chance to do this as was a better gesture considering our pagan view on things.
What struck me most when we had to carry the coffin out of the church was how my cousins who were carrying the coffin were crying. I thought perhaps it was because they lived in the area and so I was obviously more distant. But then after we had lowered the coffin, I noted how my own father was not crying. It seems being stoic is in my blood. But also we share the same view; that my grandfather had lived a good and long life, it is sad he has passed, but not tragic. It seems selfish to ask a man, who had worked as a farm labourer and soldier almost all his life, to carry on living living when his time has come to pass.
After the coffin had been lowered we stood in the graveyard, catching up with other family, and also meeting the priest, who my Dad proudly present myself and my sister to. We then went to Almeley hall for the reception where there was food and drinks. During our time there only a few of my immediate family spoke to myself or Sam. No surprise really as my mother joked that she must be the 'wicked witch' who put a spell on my Dad so she could get the family house. Seems Sam has had the same treatment. We did talk to some of my cousins, some who tought our wedding was a secret one (what ever excuses you need to reason why you were not invited, go ahead!), and we met my cousins wife who was expecting a boy very soon, and their daughter who was a cute little think and took a liking to my hair and Sam's red hair.
I don't know when we will be back that way again but I doubt it will too long as I expect another funeral to come. However it seems we may get invited to one of my cousins weddings (another had hers, didn't invite my Dad etc, but then her marriage has already fallen apart), as she seemed to think what myself and Sam did to be a really good idea.
