The last week

So as you will know my birthday has been and gone. But the last week has been a strange one.

Almost 2 weeks ago my grandfather on my Dad's side passed away. He and my grandmother had moved out of the family home at Logaston in Herefordshire to a care home. My grandmother is suffering from dementia and my grandfather is just too old to look after her himself. The family home was left by my great grandfather to my father so that it would stay in the family. This means that my grandmother is only the trustee of the property. This has led to loads of shit with the brothers (2 younger) and sisters (one older and two younger) of my father. They wanted to chop the place up, sell it, get the money! When they realized they couldn't do this they wanted to rent it out, and thus get a slice of the profit. Thing is any money made in selling or renting the property goes to my father (as it is the profit of his property), my grandmother would only be entitled to the interest.

So when it came to my grandparents moving out, the aunts and uncles stripped the house of anything of worth, even ripping out original fixtures that are part of the house. If they had just been adult about the issue my Dad may have given them more options. But no they took the hard route.

Since then of course my grandfather has died. He seemed healthy enough, but  also it seems that he had little to live for any more. He was 82, a grand old age really. The sisters didn't want to tell my grandmother. The doctors did. But my grandmother did know. She may have dementia but she still has her moments of intuition when everyone seems to be coming and going more frequently.

So the funeral. Sam and I got a lift down with my sister Zoe, and Rob her partner, to Logaston where my parents now live. We had been down there only a few weeks back at new year. It is still quite surreal to stay there (and very cold but now not as bad as during New Year), but also quite nice. Warm roaring log fire, and a level a simplicity to livining there.

I had been asked to be a coffin bearer, along with six other male cousins, and another who would carry the poppy wreath. We were to dress in black, red ties, and poppies. My aunt had the nerve to call my Dad twice to confirm that I would be carrying the coffin. I think she didn't want the 'freak' being seen.

On the day we arrived at the Almeley church, an old building apparently dating form the 1200s. The rest of the family soon gathered along with cousins, siblings etc of my grandparents, and their own children. There were brief exchanges to some, mainly those men who had married my Dad's sisters as they did not like getting involved in the squabbling, and we also met some of the less immediate family who could harldy believe that my sister was the eldest of us, and that both of us were doctors of science and liguistics. It was obvious that many were looking to see how weird I looked, and of course who the woman was that I had married.

The herse arrived and we were instructed in how to carry the coffin, and soon we were carrying the coffin of my grandfather up to the church and inside. Once inside  we rest the coffin down and took our places with our respective families and the service began. There were hymns, prayer, and readings of a poem by the eldest aunt (but she was in too bad a way to do so so her husband spoke on her behalf), and a eulogy by the eldest of the uncles, who also could not finish due to tears, and so my Dad finished the reading (which many of my cousins thought was brave all things considered). I was even surprised to hear Sam's name read out in the service as the priest said a blessing for the entire family. Even Rob's name was read out.

Finally after the service we carried the coffin down into the graveyard and the six of us lowered the coffin, with the poppy wreath, into the ground to the sound of the Last Stand being played as my grandfather had been part of the army just after WWII, on manuvers in Africa.

Once the coffin had been lowered we six took off our poppies and dropped them into the grave and joined our respective families. Sam was stood holding a yellow flower, as were many of the other women of the family, and we all walked by and dropped the flowers, and a handful of dirt onto the coffin. Sam was glad that she had the chance to do this as was a better gesture considering our pagan view on things.

What struck me most when we had to carry the coffin out of the church was how my cousins who were carrying the coffin were crying. I thought perhaps it was because they lived in the area and so I was obviously more distant. But then after we had lowered the coffin, I noted how my own father was not crying. It seems being stoic is in my blood. But also we share the same view; that my grandfather had lived a good and long life, it is sad he has passed, but not tragic. It seems selfish to ask a man, who had worked as a farm labourer and soldier almost all his life, to carry on living living when his time has come to pass.

After the coffin had been lowered we stood in the graveyard, catching up with other family, and also meeting the priest, who my Dad proudly present myself and my sister to. We then went to Almeley hall for the reception where there was food and drinks. During our time there only a few of my immediate family spoke to myself or Sam. No surprise really as my mother joked that she must be the 'wicked witch' who put a spell on my Dad so she could get the family house. Seems Sam has had the same treatment. We did talk to some of my cousins, some who tought our wedding was a secret one (what ever excuses you need to reason why you were not invited, go ahead!), and we met my cousins wife who was expecting a boy very soon, and their daughter who was a cute little think and took a liking to my hair and Sam's red hair.

I don't know when we will be back that way again but I doubt it will too long as I expect another funeral to come. However it seems we may get invited to one of my cousins weddings (another had hers, didn't invite my Dad etc, but then her marriage has already fallen apart), as she seemed to think what myself and Sam did to be a really good idea.

Return Home

So this weekend just gone by myself and Sam returned back to Kington, in deepest darkest Herefordshire, to stay at my parents. It's the first time back since we got married. It was an ok journey back, even though the train website suggested a really stupid route. So into Birmingham and then back out was the route. We arrived in Hereford at around 9 so thank the gods mum went shopping for food before hand.

It's now quite different going home. I no longer really feel like I'm treated like a child, something that my Dad reinforced on Sunday.

So of course we had to deal with the normal rant about the town, people doing stuff on the council that they shouldn't, other family stuff.

The next day we had a quick walk about town in the morning, finding it very quite, before heading to Hay on Wye, the town that is filled with bookshops and antiques. We had a good walk about Hay, picked up a few books for myself and Sam (I found 7 copies of Chung Kuo, book 1, trade edition). Hay is quite picturesque however it does get busy during the festival.

That Saturday night we met up with my mate Dave, an old roleplay buddy, and went for a few drinks at the more easy going pubs in Kington. Basically catching up on all the gossip. It just seems the town is falling apart.

Sunday we went for a walk, indulged in more of the chocolate cake my mum makes, and then just watched films and played scrabble. Of course we had missed going to my grandmothers that day but it seemed like everyone was there. Plus it was there where my Dad got asked by one of his sisters "How are the kids?", and he replied "Well I don't think of them as kids, but they are ok".

Overall it was very relaxing, and it's just great seeing my Mum and Sam get along and talk about things. In some respects they're quite similar.

Photos here

Graduation

So on Friday was graduation and so myself and Sam and my parents were staying over at Sam's mother's home in Manchester. Of course it has been all the fun of having family all in one place. On the Firday morning we were all up and headed into Manchester to the Whitworth Hall where graduation takes place for the University of Manchester. I headed off to get my robes (see above) and so everyone else waited about and after abit my sister, the other Dr Handley, turned up. I had enough tickets for 4 people, so my sister was lucky enough to get another and was able to take a seat in the hall. Of course the entire affair was long. I had to be in the hall 40 mins early to make sure that everyone was ticked off on the lists. My family then took their seats and the hall filled up to the music of the organ. Prof Gaskell was overseeing the entire ceremony, and for him it was his last as he is now to be head of another university. After some time it was my time to walk up on stage, to which I made out some one shouting out well done. This was Sam's mum, though I missed Sam calling out 'I love you!', as there was lots of clapping going on. So after about 30 mins of nonstop calpping we left, floppy cap on heads, and headed off to the reception of champagne and strawberries and then onwards to meet up with Geoff, Tofu and Nix's. The evening was spent in Dough where we had a chance to meet up with Daniel, Sam's brother, the first time since we had seen him at the wedding in Venice.

Today Sam had her hair cut into a nice new edgy fashion, while I went for a walk , popping into shops to see old friends before meeting up with Alan, Mel and Johnny.

Tonight is going to be a redux on mine Sam's first date, and then seeing who else wants to have drink.

More pictures here